Parents told to ask for baby’s consent for nappy change

Experts have divided with the claim that parents should wait for consent before changing their child’s dirty nappies.

Researchers from Australia’s Deakin University said that there is a lot of talk surrounding when to teach teenagers about consent issues such as appropriate. However it should start much sooner — before they can even speak — the researchers claimed, and that nappy changing could be the perfect time to do this.

“At the start of a nappy change, ensure your child knows what is happening,” researchers from Deakin University wrote for The Conversation.

“Get down to their level and say, ‘You need a nappy change,’ and then pause so they can take this in.”

But their offbeat directives for cleaning a bub’s bottom — a task that parents often rush to “just get done,” the researchers said — don’t end there, the New York Post reports.

“Then you can say, ‘Do you want to walk [or] crawl with me to the [changing] table, or would you like me to carry you?’” said the specialists, seemingly ignoring that newborns can’t yet actually chat up mum or dad one-on-one.

“Observe their facial expressions and body language to check if they understand what is happening.”

The experts further noted: “This can be a time to help children learn about consent and how their bodies work.”

However, having heart-to-hearts with rugrats every time they go No. 1 or 2 could fall under the ever-controversial category of gentle parenting.

It’s an ultra-permissive, anti-authoritarian approach to child-rearing that prioritises empathy, respect, connection and communication over rules and punishments.

The softie strategy is popular with Gen Zers and Millennials — mothers and fathers under age 46. However, it’s been widely bashed by online critics who claim the overindulgent, unconventional parenting style turns untamed tykes into knee-high “hellions”.

The new research additionally recommends inviting babies to participate in the grooming ritual, asking them questions like “Can you please lift up your bottom so I can slide your nappy out?”

“These habits plant the seed of the idea that a child has the right to say what happens to their body,” assured the academics.

Eccentricity notwithstanding, Yamalis Diaz, a clinical child psychologist with NYU Langone Health, suggested to The New York Post that verbally involving a baby in the nappy-changing process is great practice for future discussions about body autonomy — even if the infant can’t yet high-five a parent for a job well done.

“This is more about integrating the teaching of consent into the [adult’s] parenting practices early on,” Diaz said.

“It’s aimed at increasing the parents’ awareness of all the ways that the need for consent occurs in a child’s life.”

When it comes to having these important chats with kiddos, the sooner, the better, Diaz added. Ensuring consent remains “part of the conversations throughout early development”.

“Parents and kids will be more comfortable talking about and establishing boundaries,” she said.

Lesley Koeppel, a New York City-based psychotherapist, agrees.

“Babies cannot verbally agree or disagree, but parents can still narrate what they are doing,” she told The New York Post.

“This builds a foundation for bodily autonomy long before a child has language.”

Of course, Koeppel clarified that talking consent with babies is “symbolic rather than literal”.

“The validity of this approach lies in its message. You matter. Your body matters. I will always tell you what I am doing,” she said.

“This becomes the template for healthy boundaries later in life.”

Still, the Deakin researchers maintain that gentle nappy-changing is a game-changer when it comes to teaching babies about safety.

“It’s important children notice when someone is touching their most intimate parts,” said the insiders, warning parents not to distract small children with songs, toys or rattles during the changing process.

“Even in early infancy, children can respond to consistent verbal cues,” they noted.

“So try to use similar language and follow regular nappy changing routines that involve children in conversation.”

They even strongly propose using the anatomically correct names for private parts — such as vulva, penis and anus — while changing and bathing a baby.

“Parents may feel uncomfortable doing this and think more childish names should be used,” acknowledged the researchers.

“But this keeps children safe, as it means they can then inform trusted adults about their experiences with all the people who care for them.”

The pros said their pre-potty training pointers are meant to help, rather than overwhelm, busy mummies and daddies worldwide.

“The habits we outline above may also seem to add more work to the already demanding parental load,” they concede.

“So try and do them as often as possible and be kind to yourself if every nappy change isn’t a perfect moment of connection.”

“You are supporting a small child after all.”

This story was originally published on the New York Post and reproduced with permission